Doing the community a service

OK. So you’ve been given a shit-load of media space for zilch, and you’ve got production companies willing to make you ads for nothing. Here’s a few ‘causes’ I’d push:

1. Ben Lee is for cunts – his music’s shit, and although he promotes a kooky, indie façade – he’s just as throw-away pop and un-credible as Ashlee Simpson. Don’t buy his records.

2. Hillsong is a rort, praying on weak-minded youth seeking the false sense of security that belief in life after death offers. In the meantime, Hillsong enjoy all the trappings life has to offer when your super rich. Don’t support them.

3. Christians and Muslims should stop fighting over who the O.G. prophet is and recognise that all religions share the same core values. You don’t kill people. You don’t fuck your neighbour. Don’t steal shit…etc. You are the same.

4. Cats are superior to dogs. Full-stop.

5. Richard Branson should allow his island to be used as a base for all the racists, homophobes and political & religious extremists to be dumped like the social lepers that they are to live out ‘lord of the flies’.

6. Glo sticks and ridiculous ‘danjar! danjar!’ reflective raver pants are for cocks. Full-stop, again.

7. Support additional funding for the ABC. For obvious reasons.

8. Don’t allow Germaine Greer back in Australia, ever.

9. If you own a bottom of the line BMW, don’t think is symbolic of your success. Remember that old mate carpenter Trev’s Ford Falcon cost more.

What would you do?