tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182559832024-03-08T04:57:51.312+11:00WrightoffThe glamour-less world of Advertisingtryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-37148221285537613722007-05-23T19:57:00.000+10:002007-05-23T19:59:44.273+10:00You're dumped, assholeAs of today, I'm now meant to refer to this consumer circumstance as de-coupling. This industry, which purports to be expert in communication, never ceases to amaze me in how actively it contributes to the bastardisation of the english language.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-84936400101007291662007-04-26T20:04:00.000+10:002007-04-26T20:37:28.051+10:00Head like a holeNo, this isn't a NIN flashback. It's a post about classic ad quotes. Not quotes I've read, but quotes I've experienced. Occasions when a point raised in a meeting made everyone shut the fuck up and listen. The sentence which stoped even the quickest thinker in his/her soiled tracks. Those few words that weren't meant to be read being between the lines. The words that 'just had to be spoken'. <br /><br />It all started with one of those briefs where the client decided to shift the goal posts. Not just once, but several times. And not just in relation to what we should say, but who we should say it to. It ended up with the client insisting on a message being tailored to several segments that were about as similar as beef and rhubarb...<br /><br />ART DIRECTOR:<br /><br />"So let me get this straight, you don't want to target young, idealistic females anymore, but, really, you want to speak to any cunt with a mouth?"<br /><br />CLIENT:<br /><br />"I'm sorry?"<br /><br />ART DIRECTOR:<br /><br />"You want to speak to any cunt with a mouth. That's what you're telling us, isn't it? Please, correct me if I'm wrong here".<br /><br />CLIENT:<br /><br />"Well yes, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you're concepts don't meet the brief because you've polarised our audience."<br /><br />ART DIRECTOR:<br /><br />"Oh. Right. You mean we spoke to cunts with a cleft palette. Not every cunt with a hole in their head?"tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-3312098543519722662007-04-20T13:15:00.000+10:002007-04-20T13:17:53.806+10:00Open wide<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdiW1X2oQ6lFXpKzPYRDpTZKn6ZeURC3PAfId-KNbPUCjdeafNpVmTzKgkt7y3sJmcnLE7iRQ9MGKlPPV-3_FU-S4-yzZuBfYVjSfTWjT9E7933EX4KhtcQKCdYfFILZelb1dGQg/s1600-h/15587514842007l.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdiW1X2oQ6lFXpKzPYRDpTZKn6ZeURC3PAfId-KNbPUCjdeafNpVmTzKgkt7y3sJmcnLE7iRQ9MGKlPPV-3_FU-S4-yzZuBfYVjSfTWjT9E7933EX4KhtcQKCdYfFILZelb1dGQg/s320/15587514842007l.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5055344178529794130" /></a>tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-59295815625189971572007-04-18T11:11:00.000+10:002007-04-18T15:24:40.439+10:00Blame our culture, not the advertisersLast night, the forum-based SBS ‘Insight’ program pulled together the usual bunch of extremists, alarmists, academics, professionals, Joe Publics and ‘victims’ to thrash out issues surrounding the ‘tween market’. As expected, and in my opinion, rightly so, the debate quickly focused in on the ‘sexualisation’ of girls as young as 6 - with the key question being who is to blame for this? And yes, you guessed it, the participants almost unanimously pointed the finger at advertisers. <br /><br />Is there any truth to this? For me, the only ‘truth’ uncovered last night was that while the general public can grasp why markets are exploited (and that ethics sometimes go out the door), it has a profound mis-understanding of how cultural norms are established and subsequent markets are born. To suggest that advertisers (as in manufacturers and agencies) created this problem is a falsehood. <br /><br />Ask yourself why, in the first instance, would young girls nag their parents for products such as ‘bralettes’ or ‘bratz’. What created this desire in young girls to unwittingly and unknowingly sexualise themselves? The answer? Every kid is bombarded daily with pop-culture norms that are established via the imagery and discourse our television programs (O.C. Neighbours, Desperate Housewives), pop music (Pussy Cat Dolls, Britney Spears etc), and media promote. Then there’s the Paris Hilton phenomena and the fact that kids just want to be like bigger kids. And let’s not forgot our broader aspirations and values that created the environment for these cultural products in the first instance: <br /><br />• We believe in freedom of expression – be it speech, sexuality, fashion, music or art.<br />• We don’t believe in censorship<br />• We believe in the equality of race and gender<br />• We believe in choice<br /><br />Combined, this is what creates cultural norms and the desire to conform, not its by-product of advertising. Rightly or wrongly, a cultural trend is established, a business creates a product to exploit it, and then advertising agencies spruik it. <br /><br />Should advertisers be more responsible in how they depict kids? Absolutely. Should advertisers stop marketing these products? Maybe. Should advertisers be held responsible for the sexualisation of kids? Absolutely not. <br /><br />The responsibility for the problem lies in our culture. To affect change, and stop the sexualisation of children, we must first take a long hard look at ourselves.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-91693625554210566302007-04-17T18:20:00.000+10:002007-04-17T18:34:19.048+10:00We told you soWe told you we need to shoot the images<br /><br />You said 'no, I want to look at stock options.'<br /><br />We told you we'll only search right's managed shots<br /><br />You said 'no, I don't want to blow my budget.'<br /><br />We told you there's a chance competitors could use the same shot<br /><br />You said, 'that's highly unlikely.'<br /><br />We told you this 34pp A4 services brochure is a significant investment, and you must protect that<br /><br />You said 'just get on with it.'<br /><br />....<br /><br />....<br /><br />2 months later the project is complete, printed and in-market and then I receieve a copy of a competitor's brochure. Well, whatdyaknow, both companies hero the same image. Seems the two market leaders were educated at the same 'dumb-fuck's school for cheap-skates'. <br /><br />So, on behalf of my competitor agency who no doubt suffered through a similiar process...WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1176351757158700042007-04-12T14:20:00.000+10:002007-04-12T14:22:37.173+10:00blogging code of cuntductI’d like to thank ‘writer’ for his latest slight against my good-self over at <a href="http://theadvertisingagency.blogspot.com">the advertising agency</a>. His barbed attempt to denigrate my character is not an uncommon activity - and one 'account wranglers' the world-over would be familiar with from their respective fake-writers. <br /><br />So, I hear you ask, why the hell am I thanking this so-called 'writer' who subscribes to a code of blogging cuntduct?<br /><br />Simple. 'Writer' works for my agency as a freelancer. In fact, today he's working on several of my inspiring, original and strategically perfect briefs. Well, at least I thought he was. Which brings me to my very own, and yes now very public, cunt-act. As Account Director, I thank you writer, now I will generate another $270 by striking an hour off your timesheet, yet still charging the client for it. Please post outside of work hours, writer.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1176244370698659172007-04-11T08:30:00.000+10:002007-04-11T17:21:36.393+10:00A daily occurrence<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5354/1781/1600/980959/070326_mile.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5354/1781/320/175987/070326_mile.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1176181717110869422007-04-10T15:06:00.000+10:002007-04-10T15:08:37.123+10:00Sad fucksI’ve always subscribed to the theory that says if you’re continuously coming into work early and staying back late then there’s only two possible reasons why:<br /><br />1. You are shit at your job, or<br />2. Your Agency is taking the piss out of you<br /><br />Lately I’ve realised that there is in fact a third reason:<br /><br />3. You are a sad fuck<br /><br />You know the type. The guy in creative who ‘lives for advertising’. The power-bitch suit with no friends outside her ‘industry network’. The new kid freshly spewed from the university system who shamelessly seeks a mentor. The wanker art director that tells anyone who’ll listen that ‘I work in advertising’. <br /><br />There’s only one person who’s more pathetic and he/she is generally the ‘old hand’ in the agency who pines for 'the old days of advertising'…the sad fuck who’s shit as his job and let’s the agency take the piss out of him. <br /><br />Get a life, losers.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1175912117412845462007-04-07T11:28:00.000+10:002007-04-07T12:42:46.203+10:00myspace is for cuntsBut not the topic of this post. <br /><br />Since (my last post) drinking my through Eastern Europe, the UK, the UAE and more recently South East Asia, I've been "getting ads out" and toiling over the golden question - 'When's the right time to get out?' To be honest, I thought I'd return from holiday late last year and quit. But I didn't. Why? Well, that's a long story and has more to do with the she-monkey taking an overseas post for a year, and me needing to earn enough money back home to maintain the lifestyle to which I am accustomed. 'Down-shifting' wasn't to be a timely financial-option.<br /><br />And now? Well, now I've resigned myself to at least another 2 or 3 years of prostituting my soul in return for copious amounts of money - and back to blogging about it I guess.<br /><br />So, to catch you up, in the last six months at my agency...<br /><br />8 people have been made redundant<br /><br />10 people have resigned (read: been poached)<br /><br />Management has replaced these 18 people with 10 (who I presume are super-human)<br /><br />1 major account has been lost (nothing to do with the redundancies or resignations)<br /><br />'Writer' (from theadvertisingagency.blogspot.com) and I discovered each others identity. What's more, that we've been <br />working on the same account for the same agency over a period of about 12 months. A small world indeed.<br /><br />We have a new MD<br /><br />I have a new group head<br /><br />We have lost 2 pitches.<br /><br />We are on the short-list of 1 more.<br /><br />I've called several people 'cunt'<br /><br />Several people have called me 'cunt'<br /><br />The Advertising Standards board deemed one of our ads 'inappropriate for children' and thus it's been ruled that we can no longer run it. It wasn't a cheap ad either. <br /><br />Oh, and I made the firm decision that myspace is most certainly for cunts.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1154665808795925162006-08-04T14:29:00.000+10:002006-08-04T14:30:08.806+10:00Six and out, almostBusy, busy. Six more TVCs complete as of an hour ago. Legal signoff and all. It’s been a cunt of a month, but nothing can break my mood now…one more week, and then I’m off on four and half weeks of glorious holiday. So to Dubai, Scotland, Prague, Krakow, Rodos and Istanbul – stock your bars.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1153267280811657602006-07-19T10:00:00.000+10:002006-07-19T10:01:20.826+10:00There’s a grub amongst us.So I walk into our clean, somewhat ‘vogue living’ amenities this morning, front-up to the wall-mounted urinal, un-zip and assume the stance. Eyes, as dictated by etiquette, fixed on the pure white tiles some 30cm from my face. Well, what are usually pure white tiles. What greeted me today was snot. Lots of it. Spattered across the tiles at head height.<br /><br />The spattering was what got me most. Looking at the quantity, and the distribution, it was obvious this wasn’t a pick and smear job. This was evidence the ‘bushman’s hanky’ technique had been employed. Those not familiar with this technique, or perhaps this Australian colloquialism, let me explain simply. Block off your right nostril with your thumb. Close mouth. Blow hard, short bursts of air through the un-blocked left nostril. Alternate nostrils and repeat process. Becareful to aim your nose away from your body.<br /><br />If you’re thinking this sounds primal, grotesque and totally unsophisticated – you’re right. Which brings me to my current mission. Which overpaid ad monkey among us is the grub? And when I discover who it is, how should I shame them?tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1152948969860742882006-07-15T17:30:00.000+10:002006-07-15T17:36:09.886+10:00Don't write, get trafficYep, I'm still alive, but overly busy - hence no posts of late. Strangest fucking thing though, I've had a significant increase in visitors over the past fortnight - usually when I don't post I see the number of visitors steadily drop, daily. Anyway, I'll have something to say soon, no doubt. Stay tuned.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1151711241168536472006-07-01T09:42:00.000+10:002006-07-01T09:47:21.180+10:00Presentation via conference callThanks to <a href="http://leighhouse.typepad.com/advergirl/">advergirl</a> for the kind plug and bringing my attention to this outrageously funny <a href="http://www.sharpeblackmore.com/eureka/">clip</a>. Go there now ad monkeys, and squirm...tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1150721475738067412006-06-19T22:45:00.000+10:002006-06-19T22:57:12.640+10:00Think of the moneySaturday in the office. Monday comes. Client dislikes it. Hates it. Monday spent fixing. Monday afternoon told "we need 10am Tuesday". Monday night (now, it's 11pm Oz) still working. Looks like a couple of hours off still. Presentation 9:15am tomorrow. 5 bottles of wine between 3 of us, so far. Must keep myself nice for morning. Want to sleep. Need another beverage. Remember to get cabcharge. Rethinking job in this industry. Still seems easy. Think of the money.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1150270541671104022006-06-14T17:33:00.000+10:002006-06-14T18:02:33.156+10:00Production lies.Quality production managers are worth their weight in splendorgel. Walk into any agency and you can easily identify him/her by spotting the person engaged in one of following activities:<br /><br />- Sniffing the ink on a newly-arrived print item in an addict-like manner.<br />- Gently stroking a new stock variety (with a sexually stimulated look on his/her face. Designers too enjoy this activity, so be careful not to confuse them – if they are dressed well, move on and continue your search).<br />- Yelling down the phone about costs and/or timings.<br />- Whipping a mac monkey for setting up artwork incorrectly.<br />- Attending one-by-one to a line of ‘suits’ and ‘creatives’ parked outside his/her office.<br /><br />It’s this final occurance that sorts the good from the bad. The time-poor production manager is faced with managing the internal expectations of agency staffers, while at the same time screwing suppliers to the point where they still want your business. How do they do it? Simple, they lie.<br /><br />Suit (frantic): Have those brochures arrived yet?<br /><br />PM (poker-faced): I’m expecting them soon. I’ll give Printer X a call and follow up.<br /><em><br />Translation:</em> I’m expecting them in two days. Fuck off. When you come back in an hour’s time, I’ll tell you I’ve placed a call (but haven’t), they are doing everything possible to get them through, but can’t guarantee delivery today just yet. They’ll keep us up to date as the day progresses.<br /><br /><br /><br />Designer (serious): Is this the recycled non-bleach chemical free nouveau white stock I specified?<br /><br />PM (poker-faced): Sure is. Beautiful stuff isn’t it – can’t wait to smell the ink on that one.<br /><br /><em>Translation:</em> No it’s not, pretentious git. It’s half the price, and actually holds ink. But you wouldn’t know the fucking difference anyway. I could print your work on anything and you’d still make the comment “the stock I suggested really makes this piece”.<br /><br /><br /><br />Printer (beaten): I’ll see what I can do about matching Printer X’s cost.<br /><br />PM (Poker-faced): Thanks, because there’s a lot of work coming up that I’d like to give to you guys.<br /><br /><em>Translation:</em> I have no intention of giving you any further work unless you give me the price that I want. What’s more, I reserve the right to not give it to you even if you do match the price.<br /><br />Point of this post? Production lies is the oil of the agency machine. If your production manager can’t bend the truth, have him/her removed.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1149569702031107492006-06-06T14:51:00.000+10:002006-06-06T14:55:56.926+10:00Fucked communication industry jobs #1 – Ad/media salesFirst, to any ad sales people who in the unlikely event read this post and complain by way of an anonymous comment, know this; I really couldn’t care less if I’ve offended you. Second, don’t bother suggesting you’ve been unfairly singled out - I’ll slander other shit jobs in future posts.<br /><br />Moving on then, so why is advertising sales such a shit job and why are the people who perform this function generally wankers? Well, I’m glad I asked me, let me tell you…<br /><br />1. Selling ad space is like selling cars. Day in day out you’re spruiking your wares to a cynical audience who think your full of shit.<br /><br />2. Deeper than deep throat. No matter how many times you’re rejected, ignored and told to fuck off, as soon as you’ve got a new offer you come trotting back, unashamedly, and suck cock yet again…only to be slapped like the poodle-bitch you are. But you like that, don’t you?<br /><br /><em>Now it gets more personal…</em><br /><br />3. All too often ad sales people try to pass themselves off as someone who works agency side – because secretly they wish they did. At both social and industry occasions I’ve heard people respond to a question about their vocation with “I work in advertising”. Wrong, you work in flogging media space, like real estate. Now go and tell the retail assistant you’re trying to pick up that you don’t come up with ‘wacky’ creative concepts each day (in between snorting lines of coke, and lazing on leather sofas) but instead perform a role no more glamorous than telemarketing.<br /><br />4. I said this before, and I’ll say it again. Ad sales people are downright lazy when it comes to researching a clients needs, or producing a powerpoint prop. I’ve seen so many recycled powerpoint presentations where the ad sales sloth has replaced Brand X with Brand Y in all but 2 or three places. Quite embarrassing for them during the presentation. I’ve even been lucky enough to speak to a rep who did no research on our client, and as a result, tried to flog a package that would see an industrial refrigeration company (that manufactures products to suit abattoirs) advertising in an up-market home living magazine. <a href="http://wrightoff.blogspot.com/2005/10/media-reps.html">Click here for the full post</a><br /><br />When I think of ad sales people, I truly appreciate the effort media buyers put in…afterall, they have to deal with these schmucks on an hourly basis. So, here’s to you, Media Buyer, may the force be with you.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1149055438347038492006-05-31T16:02:00.000+10:002006-05-31T16:03:58.360+10:00Just 'photoshop it'.<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5354/1781/1600/can_you_photoshop.gif"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5354/1781/320/can_you_photoshop.png" border="0" /></a>tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1148615590789036902006-05-26T13:46:00.000+10:002006-05-26T13:53:10.806+10:00Death by a thousand cutsSometimes what starts as a great concept slowly becomes an idealess piece of miscommunication not even fit to be placed in free community press. A larger typeface here, italicized word there, slightly bigger logo, less image to make way for useless copy (demanded by legals), slight change to the headline, decision to go stock shot and not pay a photographer etcetera etcetera. It’s known as ‘death by a thousand cuts.’ But, this doesn’t just apply to the concept itself, it also reflects what happens to a team’s enthusiasm for a project…and I’m talking about all involved agency-side.<br /><br /><em>The brief</em><br /><br />Emotional status: Optimistic<br /><br />All involved are generally enthused; sometimes you even see genuine passion. They’re all looking forward to working on something new (no matter how big or small), and want to crack the brief with an impressive, original solution.<br /><br /><em>Post-Presentation<br /></em><br />Emotional status: Relief<br /><br />Post-presentation, confidence remains that the concept will be produced, un-harmed. Tough questions have been fielded, and answered. The client seems happy, so commonly agency staffers head to the pub, relieved.<br /><br /><em>Revision 1</em><br /><br />Emotional status: cooperative<br /><br />Some changes are conceded, others are fought for. All in all, the concept remains intact, and an execution still to be proud of.<br /><br /><em>Revision 2<br /></em><br />Emotional status: belligerent<br /><br />The changes previously fought against, are back again. This time, they must be changed. This is the point in the process when all hell breaks loose in the agency. Lots of shouting, lots of fuck offs and lots of anger at the clients stupidity. This is the stage at which a suit should never, ever suggest a creative is being ‘precious’. And vice versa, a creative should never suggest the suit hasn’t gone into battle. This is where the idea is raped.<br /><br /><em>Revision 3<br /></em><br />Emotional status: disbelief<br /><br />This round, the changes defy logic. All involved are stunned, literally. You’ll often hear cautiously stated “Is this a joke?”.<br /><br /><em>Revision 4<br /></em><br />Emotional status: apathetic<br /><br />The changes being requested now are simply outrageous. But given the idea was destroyed two versions ago, fighting against these changes (usually from a client’s legal department) is futile, and a waste of energy. “Fuck it. Just give them what they want”.<br /><br /><em>Despatch<br /></em><br />Emotional status: disgust, yet some what liberated<br /><br />“Get this fucking piece of shit out of my sight. It’s embarrassing, and I rather forget the whole sorry episode. And no, I'm not putting my signature on it."<br /><br /><em>The sting</em><br /><br />Just when you managed to file the memory under ‘suppressed’, a strange sickness comes when you’re chatting to a friend and they say “Hey, I saw a Brand X ad the other day, is that one of yours?”tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1148371053797001832006-05-23T17:55:00.000+10:002006-05-23T17:57:33.813+10:00Working in, not commenting onThere’s a shit-heap of great ad commentary blogs out there, a few I’ve listed in my links on the right. There’s also a fuckload of shit ad commentary blogs out there…those I haven’t listed. Not to say if you have a blog and it’s not there then it’s shit – send it to me.<br /><br />However, I’d like to draw the attention of my very few readers to the following blogs that brilliantly and humorously, in most parts, record the vagaries of life within an advertising agency. Check them all out, and be sure to go back regularly…<br /><br /><a href="http://theadvertisingagency.blogspot.com">the advertising agency</a><br /><a href="http://adssuck.blogspot.com">why advertising sucks</a><br /><br />And a relatively new blog that combines commentary with an insight into agency life, that I’m hoping will do more of the later…<br /><br /><a href="http://scampblog.blogspot.com">scamp</a><br /><br />For the best of both worlds, be sure to visit…<br /><br /><a href="http://macksimpson.com/adverb/">Adverb</a>tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1147749482989443212006-05-16T13:12:00.000+10:002006-05-19T10:10:21.070+10:00Chit chat - CD & Suit<em>CD and Senior Suit are sitting around shooting the shit until it’s an acceptable hour to leave and head for the pub (11am). The big presentation is over, a three week lead up of late nights is now in the past and they are enjoying a well-deserved respite...at least until the client comes back in a day or so and inevitably shit-cans the work.</em><br /><br />CD – Sometimes I think our industry should be unionised.<br /><br />Suit – I don't.<br /><br />CD – That’s because you’re a suit.<br /><br />Suit – Fuck off, over-rated colouring-in boy. Why should we be? Give me an example.<br /><br />CD – Ok. We’ve worked our asses off for three weeks, way beyond our contract hours, and what do we get? No overtime, nothing, not a fucking single cent more.<br /><br />Suit – Well, last year you got a trip to Hawaii to say thanks. I seem to remember I got fuck all.<br /><br />CD (ignoring the hole exposed) – Exactly, you got fuck all. You should be pissed.<br /><br />Suit – I tell you what I got. I got to keep a six figure salary mate. I got to stay within the top 5% of the highest-income earners in this country. What I didn’t get was some fucked award overtime-rate to accompany an even more fucked standard hourly-rate…what you seem to be arguing for.<br /><br />CD – You’re missing the point.<br /><br />Suit – Am I?<br /><br />CD – You are.<br /><br />Suit – OK, so you’re deluded and still seem to think you’re right. Hit me with another example.<br /><br />CD – Sure thing, bagman. If we worked in retail, for example, and were forced to do horrendous overtime without being remunerated, we’d have the right to strike.<br /><br />Suit – You’re clutching at straws.<br /><br />CD – Bullshit. I’m saying we’d have a legal right to strike, and still keep our jobs.<br /><br />Suit – Let me remind you of your behaviour over the last few weeks. I can count on two hands the number of times you refused to accept anyone else’s opinion, typically proceeded to then abuse someone and finish by walking out of the office.<br /><br />CD – Yeah, but…<br /><br />Suit – Hold on, let me finish. You’d then return 3 hours later, drunk and even more obnoxious. You also ended up getting you way. I’d say that counts as going on ‘strike’, just an immature version…like the little boy who picked up his ball and went home because he didn’t want to play anymore.<br /><br />CD – Can you fucking blame me? I’ve got you’re fucking team of poodles suggesting harder retail, a junior writer who’s quite frankly illiterate, a coked-up Art Director and no other resources I could pull onto this job.<br /><br />Suit – I didn’t say I blame you. I just said you striked.<br /><br />CD – Which should be a legal option under those circumstances.<br /><br />Suit – Maybe, but certainly not arriving back pissed and operating heavy-software. You wouldn’t get away with that in the factory.<br /><br />CD – See you agree.<br /><br />Suit – Agree with what?<br /><br />CD – You just agreed I should have the right. Proves my point.<br /><br />Suit – No I didn’t.<br /><br />CD – I win. Thanks. We should be unionised.<br /><br />Suit – You’re full of shit. You always fucking twist people’s words to support your argument, then refuse to discuss it further.<br /><br />CD – That’s why I’m CD.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1146727650478704572006-05-04T17:21:00.000+10:002006-05-04T17:43:22.316+10:00Outta touch<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5354/1781/1600/devestating.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5354/1781/320/devestating.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This is the governments understanding of what kids these days are into...so too many marketers.tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1145512047559369302006-04-20T15:46:00.000+10:002006-04-20T17:33:19.986+10:00iAd – 10,000 ads in your pocketIntroducing iAd – the world’s first ad production system in your pocket.<br /><br />iAd represents the future of advertising, does away with advertising agencies, and returns total control to you – the businessman.<br /><br />iAd is easy to use. Simply upload your logo, select your corporate colours, typeface and preferred template, then let iAd do the rest!<br /><br />Features include:<br /><br />- three pre-set logo sizes (large, visual assault, fucking massive)<br />- Random headline generation (key-word database functionality)<br />- Fill-in-the-company-name body copy templates (sign-up for iAds and receive regular industry jargon database updates)<br />- Stock shot selector<br /><br />For the low low price of $299.95 you will never have to pay exorbitant Agency fees again. Empower your business with iAd today!<br /><br /><em>“iAd is so easy to use. Now my secretary creates our ads!”<br />Chip Stone – Managing Director, ACME insurance<br /><br />“I love the ‘fucking massive’ logo option! Now our ads have real cut-through!”<br />Dick Rambone – Marketing Director, Truck World<br /><br /></em>tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1144898327285093932006-04-13T13:17:00.000+10:002006-04-13T14:03:06.683+10:00Public holidays to celebrate the death of a fictional character.I love it. Public holidays for Friday and Monday – the biggest scam those crazy religion-fiends have pulled off yet.<br /><br />What I don’t love is coming to work today knowing the following will happen, and since arriving, has…<br /><br />- Client #1 shits it, realising only now that two business days are now missing, and that item they were going to brief us on tomorrow, and require turn-around on Monday, now has to be done today. 11:00am is the first we hear of it.<br /><br />- Client #2 realises printer is also missing two days, so finished art must be completed on eight different jobs immediately and despatched.<br /><br />- Client #1, from shitting it, provides extremely poor brief which then leads to a re-brief and new artwork.<br /><br />- Client simply cannot understand that given their poor organization skills we are unable to deliver on all requests…<br /><br />“What do you mean, can’t you just call in some freelancers?”<br /><br />“Well, yes, we have, but seems dumb fucks like you at every company around town have been doing this to all the other agencies and now there’s a shortage of decent freelancers around. Cunt”.<br /><br />And, the final one I’m expecting in a few hours time…<br /><br />“Would you guys mind working for a few hours over the long weekend?”tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1144815310335339222006-04-12T14:04:00.000+10:002006-04-12T14:15:10.336+10:00Arrogance 101Being right can be tiresome. You're expected to prove your point, which takes time and effort. And quite frankly, sometimes you just can't be fucked. That's when I like to use the following statement, then walk away.<br /><br />"Questioning me will only serve to show that I am right"tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18255983.post-1144379847366769232006-04-07T13:15:00.001+10:002006-04-10T12:09:37.620+10:00A day in the life of a client<em>Preface - this gets a little rough, but fuck 'em - today one client has pushed me too far. This is purely fictional, of course. </em><br /><br />It's morning, and the client's thinking today I will...<br /><br />Ask the agency to do a new concept to replace the one I approved yesterday<br /><br />Blatantly lie about my deadlines<br /><br />Write another poorly thought out re-brief<br /><br />Not bother to read the return-brief<br /><br />Change my mind about the brief once creative work has begun<br /><br />Open mail, and then ask for detailed breakdown of costs on invoices I’ve received to further delay payment<br /><br />Look to my competitors for ideas I can steal and copy, then demand the agency reproduce with our logo on it<br /><br />Read the latest management mag to pick up some new phrases and to enjoy the article on the new Range Rover<br /><br />Re-write the scripts we will be recording in half an hour<br /><br />Search for water-sports porn on the internet<br /><br />Turn up to the studio and throw the scripts at the writer<br /><br />Watch the writer struggle to remain professional<br /><br />Perv at the account executive, and flirt openly with her<br /><br />Enjoy knowing the account exec has to be nice to me<br /><br />Exploit this relationship while the writer fumes<br /><br />Refuse the writer the opportunity to change my scripts<br /><br />Loadly criticise the VO talent in the studio<br /><br />Suggest alternative intonation to writer<br /><br />Not approve the ad in the studio.<br /><br />Take it back to work and ask the secretary what she thinks<br /><br />Take her comments on board<br /><br />Ring the agency and complain it is off-brief<br /><br />Tell Agency to start again – refuse to pay for studio time<br /><br />Write new brief for a phantom-job to make agency earn their retainer. Include all mediums as mandatory for the concept presentation<br /><br />Ring Agency and complain about finished art costs, colour lasers and couriers<br /><br />Ask Agency to quote on several, complicated print jobs<br /><br />Receive quotes and go with own supplier<br /><br />Meet with MD of Agency for a few drinks, at his expense<br /><br />Not realise I am paying for it anyway<br /><br />Tell him I want a new creative team on our business - regail story of poor scripts the writer had produced today<br /><br />Go to toilet and wank over mental image of account exec<br /><br />Shake hands with MD and return to work<br /><br />Ignore requests in inbox from Agency for more information about new product<br /><br />Ring a new Agency and ask if they want to pitch for our business<br /><br />Have no intention of switching Agency, but will use this to make current Agency jump through even more hoops<br /><br />Yawn<br /><br />Delete search history on internet explorer<br /><br />Shut-down computer and go home to wife and kids<br /><br />Drive home in oversized vehicle<br /><br />Bash wife for not having dinner ready on time<br /><br />Watch her cry, and laugh to myself<br /><br />Start to feel horny<br /><br />Go looking for kids. (updated - got some nasty feedback on the previous line).tryanotherusernamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07709114928663169547noreply@blogger.com